Child Car Seat is Crucial!

Bump and Bruises Stitches? Luckily it was only glue.

We've been having BIG problem ever since Sheraz knew how to unbuckle himself from his car seat. People won't believe but trust me, he uses both his thumbs to open it up. He's brilliant and tough some more. We've tried to use different kind of straps. Unlucky for us, he can still successfully escape from even the toughest and strongest strap we could find. And I'm serious. When he's in the car, he won't sit still, which is definitely very dangerous. Now everyday I and DH have to share a car to work cause either the dad or myself have to watch him while one of us is driving. It's frustrating when either one of us has to go out-station. Cause it's frustrating to drive with a kid playing to the front and the back of the car and sometimes even playing with your steering! There are a few alternatives we normally do. #1 Send him to his grandma, a day before you're due to travel. ( I hate this cause he's not with us over the night). #2 Throw him the hand-phones or bunch of toys cause he will play with them and sit still. But this normally happens only during half of the trip.

Back to what happened that morning. Unfortunate for Sheraz, he was a nice boy, sitting with his 'Hippie' at the passenger seat at the back when DH had to do an emergency brake caused him falling off the seat and hit the floor. He got a quite deep wound, so we rushed him to the hospital  :( Luckily nothing serious about it. But it is a serious thing for letting my son sit in a car without a seat belt.

The car seat is crucial. When we experienced car seat battle, no matter how loud he cries, I just didn't care as long he's properly seated in it. Now that I don't have any option. Cause no matter how hard I try to strap him, he will escape cause he knows how to unbuckle it easily.

(A picture of him a few months back. Say bye bye to car seat. The existence of it in our car is just no longer "relevant")

On Hospital Stay

I've been admitted to the hospital since yesterday afternoon due to food poisoning. I was badly dehydrated when I reached the hospital. Sheraz is being taken care by my mother in law. I'm missing him so much. Hopefully they will discharge me tomorrow. I can stand no more staying here.

About Miscarrying [Part 2]

My pregnancy was supposed to be 12 weeks and 6 days along. It's been more than two weeks since I was diagnosed with miscarriage. A few days ago I had slight brown discharge and yesterday continued with bright red. This morning I went to see the doctor. She said normally it would take within a few more days to miscarry naturally. And, I was given an MC for two days. At this very moment I'm in the best of health. Looking as good as a healthy pregnant woman. In fact I still feel morning sickness during the evening.

I really hope this is about the time. Even though part of me is scared, but a larger part knows this is what my body needs. The sooner the better.


The latest picture I got, I'm okay :)

About Miscarrying

Who would imagine my intention of sharing about my second pregnancy turned out to be sharing about the loss of it. But I never regretted to announce how we were happy to expect the second LO. Thank you to everyone for the wishes and prayers. I believe what I'm facing now is a good plan which had been decided by Allah.

This doa was given by Kiena who some time ago experienced the same thing.

"Ya Allah jika ianya suatu dugaan dan bebanan untuk ku, Kau ambillah ia, Sesungguhnya aku tak mampu untuk menghadapi dugaan yag lebih hebat. Sekiranya Kau kurniakan yang lebih baik, Aku bersyukur pada-Mu Ya Rahman Ya Rahim Ya Qadial Hajat"

Thank you, dear.

So this is like the longest wait ever. It's been 7 days since I was diagnosed with a miscarriage. Yes, it's a hard-to-take waiting process but I am now getting used to it. I haven't miscarried yet, still pregnant indeed. The difference is my fetus is no longer developing. I have no more pregnancy symptoms except the morning sickness which could be possibly caused by the hormone released by the placenta which still remains in my womb. For the time being I was glad to be given an option of treatment which is to wait for a natural miscarriage. I would like to avoid the D&C, it's way too invasive for me, and I'm scared. I just pray everything will be over soon smoothly....and without any surgical procedure.

Day-Dreaming Blue or Pink No More

..cause I just had a miscarriage. Have been checking with the doctor a few times as she couldn't find the little one's heartbeat. Last Saturday was the third attempt. We were expecting to be able to see his little prune size body but ended up looking at an empty sac, no fetal, no heartbeat. It broke my heart when she wrote down 'Missed Miscarriage'.

This pregnancy was some kind like a surprise for us. We didn't plan for it and we were not ready. But I love him from the very beginning only God's the one who decides. This little bun simply doesn't belong to us. If it happened because of defect, I'm certain God knows best for not letting him to live in a miserable way. And I hope it had nothing to do with the things I did or didn't, that cause the loss of this little sunshine. For if I did I'm sure to be the most evil mother ever.

Now I'm waiting. I was asked to wait for it to naturally expel. I feel so heck nervous, more like waiting for a labour. But I'm still working at the office though. The last time I packed my things for a hospital stay was full of joy cause I couldn't wait to see the little Sheraz popped out. This time is totally different and .. frustrating. I'm sad, angry to myself and bitterly regretful. I'm pretty much like giving birth or maybe worse but only to expect a loss.

Roseola

It's not my name. It's the disease which attacked Sheraz. I just knew about it today. So when the rashes appeared, we went back to the hospital. I was confused to see the look of the laughing doctor after we'd showed him the rashes. I thought how could he be happy over my son's suffering? But when I googled I understand that diagnosis of roseola is often uncertain until the fever drops and the rash appears. So that laughing, happy look means he got the answer of what disease Sheraz had actually got.

The doctor said Roseola is known as sixth disease, commonly affecting kids under 4 years old by nearly 100%. One of the symptoms is several days of high fever, followed by a rash just as the fever breaks. This rash is expected to disappear within 2-3 days.

He also mentioned about the human herpesvirus (HHV) type 6, and I didn't have idea what he was talking about. More info is here. What he explained are mostly there.

These were some of the indications that Sheraz has dealt with:-
1. High fever which didn't settle down until Day 3
2. Swollen lymph node in the neck
3. loss of bowels
4. Blood in poop
5. Red spots after fever lasted

It should be easier if we knew about this earlier. If you happen to read this, note it. You can learn something from Sheraz's experience. The most important thing is I'm happy that he should be fine. The rash isn't another 'thing'.

Hospital Stay

Salam. We are back home now from an exciting holiday. I've been desiring to update since Raya. A lot of things happened - Raya, my cousin's engagement, Sheraz's 1ST BIRTHDAY, family gathering, beach and other excitements. It's pretty sad to start those with this but today we were back home from 2-night stay at the hospital. Sheraz was down with high fever, only a week after his first birthday.

Monday early morning at 3 a.m we went to the hospital because we couldn't bring his body temperature down after panadol and dabbing him with wet cloths all over his body the whole night. When we reached the hospital his temperature was 39.8 degree Celsius. They gave him a voltaren, insert rectally and not so long he was fine, we went back home. He could play and was okay the whole day (Day 1) but in the evening the fever attacked him back. We gave him another voltaren, he could sleep through the night. When I woke up at 5 a.m his temperature was high again, we gave another voltaren and he could play as usual (Day 2). I took an emergency leave that day. Nearly 12 o'clock in the afternoon, I was in the kitchen, realizing that suddenly Sheraz was quite in the living room, quickly I saw him sitting in front of his toys, doing nothing. He was weak and the skin looked purplish or bluish, oh I don't know. We sent him to the hospital and he had to be admitted. His temperature was 40 degree Celsius.

So his doctor said the fever was due to virus infection. The blood test result was negative for dengue and cikungunya. It worries me a lot cause the fever came on and off. Hopefully he's fine and will be fine. Now he's having rashes around his tummy, chest, neck and back. I simply don't know whether it's an allergic reaction or another 'thing'. I don't want another blood test, I can't stand to see him with those nasty needles. But tomorrow if the rashes won't go, we will have another doctor visit.

I hit somebody's car

... from the back.

It was raining heavily. The traffic was bumper to bumper. Sheraz was sleeping soundly at the back. It wasn't dusk yet, but I could see dark clouds coming. Most people had turned the lights on. The wind outside was reckless and the rain was blowing all over the place. De-stressed, so I was looking for something to play with. Then I saw the smaller rear mirror which purposely affixed to the windscreen to monitor the little guy at the back. I tried to adjust it and 'bang' the damage done.

Silly.

I Lost My Phone

..recently. I accidentally dropped it somewhere at the construction site during a one whole day site inspection. I carried big handbag with a lot of papers and drawings inside and .. it was unzipped. The phone somehow escaped and I only realized it once every thing's done. Searched high and low but there was no sign of hope. So sad.

When I woke up the next morning automatically, without the phone's alarm. I told DH how I really wished it was only a dream. DH simply made a joke, "Why don't you quickly go to the site this morning and see who manages to reach the site the earliest. He / she must have been awaken by your phone alarm." This person I'm married to has the opposite of my anxious character, which is a good thing. He always slows down my pace.

There's always lesson to learn #1 No matter what, zip the bag. #2 I can't stop being grateful for what I have. When I reached home I realized losing the phone is not the end of the world. I still have a nice warm house, the cars are still in good shape, I have a little loving family and we are happy and healthy. There are more things to appreciate and I'm not taking them for granted.

Bumps and Bruises Stage?

Sheraz is a busy adventurous baby. He's always busy playing, exploring, learning, discovering. The bad news is it seems that we are now entering the possible bumps and bruises stage which frightens me a whole lot.

The little guy has fallen so often and it doesn't seem to even phase him at all. But of course I sometimes hold my breath and my heart always beats even faster than what you can imagine. Learning to walk around hard surfaces can turn into a heart rendering incident in a flash. So scared! I think I need a helmet for him! I always caught him pulling himself up at the very odd places. Standing by holding his moving walker, crawling so fast to the edge of the bed, climbing here and there. He is VERY proud of himself. I hope this baby is NOT going to give me grey hair!


This is Ee-O one of his favourite toys whose any part of the body always ends up being in Sheraz's mouth. yes, the little guy really likes to bite it.

Fainted?

Notice the blood stain?

It's Sheraz's. He almost gave me a heart attack! A few days ago he stood up holding on his cot railing, moved his body back and forth so hard and suddenly bang. His upper lip hit the railing and one of his upper tooth bled. When he was crying he bit this best friend and there I could see the blood! That was the first bloody incident. I hope there won't be any more crashes. I don't want him to get hurt!

Oh no!

I'm experiencing one of the worst things I wished never happened.

I'm so panic because my pump is broken!

It's still under warranty. They said it may take some time like A WEEK to get it fixed. Well my baby takes milk everyday - NOT once a week. *sigh*. I hope this is not the end of the breastfeeding journey.

Swollen ..

..testicle

It's three more weeks to Sheraz's appointment with the paediatric surgery.

It sounds creepy.

So Sheraz got swollen scrotum (read:biji).. once again since he was a newborn. We never thought it's something to worry since we know some male infants do experience this. Until we sent Sheraz to the nursery, we considered to get it checked by the doctor. So he was two months old when the surgeon checked.

The explanation of why baby boys got swollen scrotum is because of the extra fluid that they carry or maybe the extra dose of hormones they may have received from the mother before birth. This swelling is harmless, and mostly they would flush the fluid out in the pee after a few days.

In Sheraz's case, it continues. The doctor said that he may have developed a hydrocele, where fluid from the abdomen accumulates in a testicle and it doesn't want to come out. The explanation I googled for hydrocele is ..

A boy's testicles develop inside of his abdomen while he's in the womb, and then sometime before birth they usually push through a tunnel in the tissue between the groin and the abdomen and descend into the scrotal sac. At that point, the passage through the abdominal wall should close up. If it remains open, as it does in up to 50 percent of newborn boys, fluid may accumulate around the testicle and cause swelling.

This is considered normal and mostly it's expected to be back normal before the baby turns one year old. But the surgeon wanted to see Sheraz again when he turns 6 months old. By then IF the thing is not OK for him, he may consider a surgery to drain the fluid. Even if he said "minor" surgery, it is still a surgery. I can't imagine Sheraz would need to deal with stitches and 'minor' wound. I hope we don't need to undergo any surgery. Roughly from what I can see, Sheraz's scrotum looks way better. But for the time being just pray and hope the best for the little one

Eczema

Sheraz is one of the 20 percent-less-lucky babies who got the skin rash called eczema. He's been having these 'baby pimples' since he was a newborn. It appears on his face, tummy, arms, neck and scalp. But he doesn't have it the whole time as this thing comes and goes. When his skin looks better and pretty, the next day it may suddenly appear back and normally it takes one day or two to heal.

Practically nobody knows for sure what causes eczema, to some babies it just happens, but to some it can be inherited. But this can be triggered by the possible allergens such as food intake which I've taken into consideration by cutting a few things in my diet since up to today he doesn't consume anything but the breastmilk. The rash can also be aggravated by heat, irritants that come in contact with the skin (some soaps, lotions, and detergents) and dry skin. When his skin gets dry he tends to scratch, as I ever said that he scratches A LOT.

These days the rashes on his face have been getting worse due to his saliva, while other affected areas are much better. He's been drooling a lot. He got chapped, red skin. And it's been a few days and not getting better. The doctor helped by giving 1% hydro cortisone and he advised to wipe his face with wet cloth frequently to prevent the skin from becoming red and worse. From the beginning I have been using baby's detergent and I wash his clothes separately. I also apply lotion as often as necessary, especially after bath. There's nothing much else to do. I just hope his very sensitive skin will be better soon. I'm so sad. As for Sheraz, he's doing just fine, like nothing is happening to him.

So these pictures are to show how he is.

So, for instance this is today ..

and suddenly he got this the next day

The second picture was taken after I picked him up at the nursery. I was shocked to see the skin and some more he looked sorrowful. Arhh so sad. (He was actually sleepy that time). Anyhow, may Allah protect him.

Mitten Dilemma

As of today Sheraz is 4 months 1 week old and he's still wearing mittens! The reason is he likes to scratch himself A LOT especially when he's sleepy and crying. When I say a lot it is A LOT. We just cannot control it.

So, before making any judgement one should know my baby well.

However I take them off occasionally, especially during play time. I always make sure his nails are short and blunt. But still, nails are nails, they still scratch and leave scars on his skin.

So I don't need somebody to check on his nails! Don't accuse me of not clipping his nails. I am his mother I do what I'm supposed to.


Personally, I wish I could get rid of his mittens *sigh*

So, please don't scold me for letting my baby wear them. It's not like he can say to himself right now "Oops, I scratched myself and it hurt. I won't do that again!" As I said, one should know my baby well. And one has no right to judge this don't-know-how-to-do-our-way town girl.


If one says he may delay his hands coordination or whatnot. I may say "no, he may not." I keep on track of what he may be able to do every month and make sure he gets the necessary practice.

So please stop making me feel I am a bad mother. I believe I know what's best for my child. For goodness sake, why should I need to explain all these in the first place.

Carelessness

I'm on treatment. It's not about losing my weight or a facial one. It is an eye treatment. Well, early last week I was diagnosed with a corneal ulcer in my left eye, and I've been treating it since then. Blame me because it is due to my own negligence. I shouldn't have worn contact lenses too long. Very long as long as sleeping with the contacts on. Lucky me it only happened to only one eye and lucky me the affected area was not at the centre of the cornea (see below image to get the picture of how it affected my eye), so it didn't disturb my sight so much.

But I got painful eye due to nerve exposure and it was very red. Both eyes matched the Indonesian flag. I and Roy went to an ophthalmologist and he was trying to explain that I was at risk of blindness if no treatment is given appropriately since the infection may spread to the whole eye. Of course I was petrified. There was a patient before us and he told us that she got the same case but hers was worse and the infection was already spread out. This lady has been his patient for more than a year and she in fact has had vision loss, practically no medication could heal the eye. The doctor then showed us some worse cases by pictures he has as if he was frightening me.

So it's been nearly a week and I'm still on treatment. But alhamdulillah I'm fine and my eye does respond to the treatment very well and quite quick. Last appointment the doctor said some case like mine could be as long as a month. I'm so grateful. I prayed a lot because I want to be back normal as my baby needs me. I know it's so dramatic and of course it is tragic because of own fault. So next week I'll be seeing the doctor again. If everything is good only then he can decide whether I can wear those contacts back or not.