Day-Dreaming Blue or Pink No More


..cause I just had a miscarriage. Have been checking with the doctor a few times as she couldn't find the little one's heartbeat. Last Saturday was the third attempt. We were expecting to be able to see his little prune size body but ended up looking at an empty sac, no fetal, no heartbeat. It broke my heart when she wrote down 'Missed Miscarriage'.

This pregnancy was some kind like a surprise for us. We didn't plan for it and we were not ready. But I love him from the very beginning only God's the one who decides. This little bun simply doesn't belong to us. If it happened because of defect, I'm certain God knows best for not letting him to live in a miserable way. And I hope it had nothing to do with the things I did or didn't, that cause the loss of this little sunshine. For if I did I'm sure to be the most evil mother ever.

Now I'm waiting. I was asked to wait for it to naturally expel. I feel so heck nervous, more like waiting for a labour. But I'm still working at the office though. The last time I packed my things for a hospital stay was full of joy cause I couldn't wait to see the little Sheraz popped out. This time is totally different and .. frustrating. I'm sad, angry to myself and bitterly regretful. I'm pretty much like giving birth or maybe worse but only to expect a loss.

9 comments:

Sabrina Rafaella said...

Oh my God.....
I'm speechless... I cannot believe this is happening to you.You've been a very good mom to Sheraz and the little one.And yet....Oh my...

Be patience dear.It's okay.Maybe it is not the time yet. I'm sorry to hear that. Be strong okay. Everything will be all right before you know it.

Just take care of yourself :)

::Ida:: said...

the most scariest thing we could've ever imagine that could happened to us.

be strong dona.
allah may have better plans for you :)

i had mine before hariz. on my 6th weeks. it came out like the period and felt nothing.

take care of yourself and kiss little sheraz for me :)

dona::rose said...

Sabrina, Thank you dear. it's sad but I'm coping with it. It's just happening when you were dreaming about the LO and how excited you are to expecting him/her soon.

Ida, Thank you. I didnt know abt what had happened to you. Alhamdulilllah you managed to get pregnant again and got Hariz!

btw Will it be that easy? seriously x yah cuci? the O&G said i'll be experiencing a contraction, just like giving birth. My mom had this 3 times. she said curretage is worse. it's so scary and i'm freakingly scared.

::Ida:: said...

dona : i never thought it was that easy too! i just had somewhat like period (during my pregnancy!). ive read somewhere that it is normal that you still have period while you're pregnant. so i thought that was it.

when i went for check up, the whole thing has already gone from the womb. biler the gynae check to cuci, she said dah memang keluar semua. so no need cuci anymore. to cuci is to buang everything so it won't rot in your womb which will be bahaya. i think.

maybe mine was still early like few weeks old. belom developed banyak. so the process was easier.

ape2 pon, u be strong dona. the waiting is really painful because you've known bout it.

nway take care okay?

Aida Rasol said...

dona, really sorry 2 hear that.
Hopefully u r fine.

dona::rose said...

friends, just to update. I'm fine.. and still waiting.

Thank you kak Aida

Siti said...

salam perkenalan Dona,

sorry to hear the news. btw, just be strong..InsyaAllah, there will be more bundle of joys for u soon...

www.mamalilcaliphs.blogspot.com

||kiena|| said...

Sorry to hear that dona,.. i know you are a brave n though mom!

I experienced it before had Liam,.. 8 weeks and it was so-like-to-give-birth,.. i also waited for naturally expel. it took me the whole nite. =( Bila dah keluar macam isi perut ikan kot, pagi tuh baru p check hospital,.. no need D&C bila doc check sume da keluar tak de yg tertinggal,.. i posted the thing before in blog =).
InsyaAllah u gonna be fine, and Allah surely have better plan for u dear,.. do not regret or blame yourself. All things happen for good =)

dona::rose said...

Siti: Salam perkenalan. Terima kasih. InsyaAllah, amin. Congratulations for your soon newcomer. May everything go well. amin.

Kiena: Darl, panjang umur, I was actually about to email you to ask about your experience. Thank you for your thoughts.