We found what he wants! Now what?

After some 'experiments' of offering him a few brands of formula, finally we got the finding! The result was: this soy based milk.



This milk was the second last we had wanted to try because Sheraz is prone to allergies and we're afraid soy would trigger his eczema. But we lost hope on cow's milk since none suited him. When his paediatrician offered us those sample bottles, we were a bit confident that this should be okay for him. By the way, we always had had goat's milk in mind for the next trial in case he rejected this.

Regardless how much solid he's taking, his milk consumption per day is a lot and my EBM supply can't cope with his demand. I always found myself in stressful circumstance when I have to make sure to express enough for the next day. I've been eating oats, milk, taking fenugreek and pumping while he's nursing at night. That's what I've been doing to boost my supply. I know this would be a lame excuse but I'm tired.

When DH knew about this he quickly joked "yay now we can send him to his grandmother and .. let's go for a movie". DH and I were movie freak. Not freak really, but we appreciate the anti-piracy laws by watching the latest movies at the cinema, not at home with pirated CDs. Besides, we love sound system effects. I've been restricted myself not to go out without Sheraz so often especially during weekend because simply I don't want to waste my EBM. When Sheraz is with me, he can nurse, not bottle-fed. Those EBM bottles are always needed on workdays and they've never been enough at least for the past 3 months. Even if there are always some who offer to take care of him during weekend, I refuse. I don't want my son to starve on other days because he don't have enough milk. At the same time, forcing my body to produce more like a milk factory which I do not want. That's when the idea to get formula came across. So far he had rejected all except this new one.

So now what?

I thought once I got what he accepted I'd be dancing like crazy. Guess what, I didn't. I felt sad instead. I don't want to wean my baby. I don't want this bonding journey to end here. He still got his right to have the best food ever. And it's still available, and I don't want to kill it.

So I made this decision. I will continue to breastfeed him for as long as my body allows. I will treat the formula as my anti-stress alternative. If there's no enough supply I'll use the formula. I can have a little peace of mind for not worrying whether the little fellow would starve or not. I don't have the need to express when I can't. I can skip expressing without feeling restless when a whole-day meeting puts off my pumping time. In case of emergency, he'll get the alternative. As for me, I'll continue expressing, and feeding him, hopefully until he meets his second birthday.