Why do I blog?

This Excited yet Nervous was originally created because of him. The first time we found out that we would be welcoming a little creature in our life. Yup, since the day I found out that I'm pregnant. I put records of him here and share to everyone. I've been neglecting this blog and I hate that. Shame on me.

Look What He Did

.. to my new specs!

I had had a shower, the next thing I knew is Sheraz was sitting on the desk and almost everything on it was on the floor, except for the PC and its speaker - luckily. And God loves us cause the little guy didn’t fall down or worse. It seemed that he’d dragged a chair and used it to climb to the desk to get the telephone. (This is the reason why we disconnected our phone cable and nobody can get through to our home phone line.)

So I had these crooked specs. Somehow I know he twisted and stretched it before dropping it on the floor. It was in a terrible condition when I found it. The next day I went to the optometrist to get it fixed. He said the small piece where the screw is supposed to be secured was badly bent. Most probably it might easily break, but he tried to repair anyway after warning me to consider buying a new frame if he fails.

I was like waiting in front of an Operation Theatre, feeling so nervous. I was like fainting every time somebody got out from the room, wishing he/she would bring some good news. (Hello, it’s a new pair!) Sorry for the exaggerations. : ) In the end, he did it and I can enjoy wearing the specs again.

Who would want to be mad when looking at this innocent face.

Skinny me?

I'm not gaining any weight. One of my officemates keeps telling me to gain more weight. While others say I started having the bumps (cause I'm 'flat'). Most people seem to be distracted with me losing those kilos after giving birth. *Bumped*

The good thing is I can fit my old outfits, those I had before I entered uni when I was as lean as today. The not so good thing is most of my trousers are baggy and I don't opt to buy new clothes when the priority is on Sheraz's.

The most important thing is I think that I'm healthy :)

*Photos were taken before heading to the mall with the two boys, that's a diaper bag.

After 7 years..

..finally I got a new pair of glasses! My opthalmologist said I shouldn't be wearing any contact lens until the next two weeks. But I don't think I can survive relying on my crooked, low-powered old specs, which forced made me had to get a new pair.

I have defective eyesights since I was 15. But I don't like to wear glasses as I feel that they become a nuisance, especially while playing sports or simply when walking down the stairs. I started to use contact lenses since I joined the varsity squad for tennis. Contacts are like my savior from glasses. Agree or not, they're a great invention in human history!

These glasses are my back up which I should have had way earlier.

Stubborn.

January 2011: What an Atypical month for me

Out of 21 working days, I only worked for 6 days. I didn't ask for a leave,,

the doctors did.

And yes, including a day off on my birthday :)

So this is how I started the year 2011!

27 today

I know it's the 28th of the month but today, I turn 27. I don't regret that I'm getting older because no wise man ever wished to be younger. Another year older, another year wiser. I am grateful at how the past few years have turned out. Allah has been guiding me and I pray He will always do. I may not be a perfect person, but my intention is always to please people, especially the closest sweethearts of mine, And others, even though some people may not be appreciative enough, but forgiving is what I have to work on. My life is great and I'm so grateful for that. Out of the undesired seasons, I’d not only learn to be strong, but get a little better at not complaining about the craps.

Thank you to my parents, especially ibu, whom without her sacrifice and prayers I wouldn't even be here. Without her, I would not know how strong a woman can be. Thank you Allah for giving me the chance to live in a happy and enjoyable life. Thank you for opening my heart to my ex-classmate of whom later became my other half, he's such an inspiring person whom I hope to be with for the rest of my life. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be the mother of a wonderful little boy.

Well, life can be sometimes ridiculous for me, but the ups and downs will only make me stronger.

Thank you to all who contribute to my wonderful life.

Oh I'm so inspired. LOL. To all friends in FB, thank you for the wishes and prayers. May all the goodness goes to you.

And about my other half, this is his early birthday present which I received three weeks ago. He just couldn't wait. Thank you, abang. This is incredibly awesome!

It's ..

red again.

Disclaimer. This Blog and the information contained in it is intended for record-keeping purpose.

Back to the Cycle

The first period after my LMP - December 12th 2008 - just appeared. It was nearly 16 months of having period-free life! and so now I'm back to a "new life".

Isn't it weird to have one without cramping? Not that I'm expecting but I've been having the bad cramps my whole baligh life. This time I don't feel any. Alhamdulillah I hope I will be saying bye bye for good to the period pain.

By the way, my mom said, "Boleh hamil lagi." Oh yes but no, can't think about another pregnancy and birth - not for the time being . Still traumatized.

Earth Hour!

Okay, only today I recall that there's supposed to be an Earth Hour on Saturday night! This is the second time I missed to participate this global event. Last year I blamed my pregnancy absent mindedness. The good thing is both me and DH were asleep during the Earth Hour. But the bad thing is that we both slept with LOTS of LIGHTS ON.

And about this year's event, I mean two days ago, I just can't recall what I did during that particular hour. I had the intention of participating. After all we belong to this earth, so a little contribution would be something. But it seems unlucky to the earth for sheltering such an oblivious person like me. Lol.

So, I shall try again next year :D

Further to my weight..

.. issue. I received a phone call from my dear dad. He just wanted to ask me why I am now that THIN. He wondered if it's due to financial problem that I don't have enough money for food. He also mentioned I should have informed him so he could be of help to us.

I was like "oh dear?!"

Myself and DH got married and headed off into the workforce easily two and half years ago. Financially, yes, we're not that stable to our parents. Plus we got a baby and everybody knows babies are expensive! Things may be a bit tight financially but not to the extent that we don't eat! It's a normal thing, we're young couple who just started life and got lots of demands. But no worries, bapak. We are still kicking.

By the way, he also said that my brother is willing to help too. Well, I was speechless because I was so delighted of knowing how sweet his concern is. I wanted to cry at the same time but was clueless whether it's supposed to be a happy or a sad weep cause I also felt self-pity over my own 'destitution'. No lah, we're fine InsyaAllah.

My Weight

.

I once posted about my Postpartum Changes. So the last time I checked my weight was two months ago. Recently I did check it again and owh I was so surprised! The scale read 43 kilograms which means I have lost 7 kilograms = 15.4 lbs from my pre-pregnancy figure. My BMI says I'm underweight.

Almost everyone tries to lose weight after giving birth. But as for me, I lose weight easily to the extent that I don't want it to keep going as I'm afraid I'd look like an anorexic. Is it a Yay or Nay? I credit my weight loss to breastfeeding because sometimes I eat like a construction worker, am constantly hungry, not under pressure and not dieting. And for sure I haven't been working out at ALL so that's the only reason I can think of for the weight loss: Breastfeeding.

I figure, as long as I'm eating well and getting all of the nutrients I need, and am feeling good THEN I should be fine. BUT I have to get myself EAT more. For the time being I want to enjoy the result regardless how a little frightened I am now.

The sport I miss

Tennis!

Last week the whole office had a Chinese new year lunch at Sarawak Club, a posh freaking expensive recreational and sports centre where there's no way of me being one of the club members unless somebody is willing to sponsor or unless I'm one of the rich who don't know any where else to spend with the money. When I saw the tennis court my heart suddenly felt hollow. I may be exaggerating, but I don't know how to explain how I miss playing tennis - so bad.

I started playing tennis when I was in primary one. Stopped playing during high school and continued playing when I was in the uni. I joined the varsity squad and we did play and practice a lot. And some more, my hostel was just a few steps to the tennis court. I could feel the fresh smell of the courts and the tennis balls every day. Some how I miss being tired and sweaty after smashing a few sets with the fellow team members.

I wish somebody I know can play tennis here in Kuching. Anybody?

26

It's a few minutes before my birthday. It's not that I'm awake to countdown. I'm having painful stubborn clogged milk ducts. I had meeting the whole day, managed to pump only in the morning. Once reached home, nursed Sheraz two times but still it's clogged. Sheraz is now sleeping for the night, need to wait for another 4-5 hours until he wakes up to drink. I've been trying to pump, put warm cloth, massage, taking hot shower but still it's clogged. I have to do something to avoid this escalating into mastitis.

So now I have different perception on birthday. It's not about expecting birthday cakes or parties or gifts. My birthday is the anniversary of the date on which my mother dealt with pain of labour. And ever since she's been sacrificing her time and energy, perhaps her life for me. I should be grateful. I know there's nothing I can do to pay for all her devotion. So now, for all the times I didn't say it before, Thank you, ibu.

Postpartum Changes

Childbirth definitely left some changes on me physically. The latest I got is losing my hair! It's horrifying to find my hair falling out by the handful! It makes me not want to comb it. I was starting to think that something was seriously wrong with me, then suddenly I recalled kak Wina's post some time ago. Guess what losing hair after giving birth is normal. Theoretically my hair should be back to its normal thickness within another six months or so. Hope I'll be noticing 'baby hair' growing out soon. Or I'll be freaking out each day.

On top of that, I got jelly belly. Although it doesn't look fat but it's getting flabby and I think I need to get rid of it. Is it possible to get it back to the pre-pregnancy shape?

Anyway, seriously I'm not complaining.

One of the good things I notice is that I now have less skin breakouts. yay! ..and I'm getting slim - to be exact I'm getting skinny.

*1st pic was taken when I was 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant

*2nd one was taken a week after confinement ( as of today, I'm actually skinnier than that).

DH prefers my old shape though. He once made a joke of me. He said he mistakenly thought I was a coat hanger. (?) : Well understandable, I can tolerate the teasing. But this is good enough for record though cause once I'm getting fat, he should remember what he has complained. lol

I know I'm a mother when ..

..a poopy blowout makes me laugh

..my husband starts calling me bunda

..I find myself washing bottles and pumpshields at 3 o'clock in the morning

..waking up to nurse a few times during the night becomes a routine

..I use the toilet downstairs in the middle of the night even when I'm very much sleepy because I'm afraid the sound of the toilet flush would awaken the little one

..my cell phone memory card is full of gummy smile pictures

..I look at other mom tried to soothe her crying baby with empathy instead of irritation

..the little one sneezes right in my face and I just laugh and say "alhamdulillah"

..it takes me forever to type out a message or response because I'm feeding, talking to, bathing or playing with the little one

..I find myself ironing cutie little clothes everyday

..I find myself put labels with LO's name on all his toiletries and stuffs so they won't get mixed up with someone else's at the nursery

..I try to learn by heart many Nasyid lyrics so I would have a variety of songs for the little one

..I open youtube searching for nursery rhymes

..a big burp excites me

..I don't mind picking the little one's nose

..I start window shopping in baby section

..a 15-minute shower becomes a luxury rather than a requirement

..pooping is no longer a 'pleasure' when being alert of a crying voice

..I still look in the mirror in the back seat of the car so that I can see the little one, even if I know he's not there.

..every noise sounds hundred times louder when I finally get the little one to sleep after a fussy day

..I find myself irritated when someone sneezes after a hard work of getting the little one to bed

..I don't feel it's embarrasing to talk baby-talk in public to the little one in the stroller

..I wear shirts when I'm not really a fan to because they suit for nursing

...I checklisted the LO's stuffs before going out and forgot to bring my own purse because I was so worried I was going to forget something for him

...I have lunch with friends and hardly say anything until someone asks about the baby

..I turn on the TV and my fingers automatically searching for the Disney channel

..everything about LO is adorable even if he just made me carry him for quite a long time because he cannot calm himself

..I hardly wear accessories even earings or watches because I'm afraid they would scratch the little one

..everything I do I'd always think for the little one

Carelessness

I'm on treatment. It's not about losing my weight or a facial one. It is an eye treatment. Well, early last week I was diagnosed with a corneal ulcer in my left eye, and I've been treating it since then. Blame me because it is due to my own negligence. I shouldn't have worn contact lenses too long. Very long as long as sleeping with the contacts on. Lucky me it only happened to only one eye and lucky me the affected area was not at the centre of the cornea (see below image to get the picture of how it affected my eye), so it didn't disturb my sight so much.

But I got painful eye due to nerve exposure and it was very red. Both eyes matched the Indonesian flag. I and Roy went to an ophthalmologist and he was trying to explain that I was at risk of blindness if no treatment is given appropriately since the infection may spread to the whole eye. Of course I was petrified. There was a patient before us and he told us that she got the same case but hers was worse and the infection was already spread out. This lady has been his patient for more than a year and she in fact has had vision loss, practically no medication could heal the eye. The doctor then showed us some worse cases by pictures he has as if he was frightening me.

So it's been nearly a week and I'm still on treatment. But alhamdulillah I'm fine and my eye does respond to the treatment very well and quite quick. Last appointment the doctor said some case like mine could be as long as a month. I'm so grateful. I prayed a lot because I want to be back normal as my baby needs me. I know it's so dramatic and of course it is tragic because of own fault. So next week I'll be seeing the doctor again. If everything is good only then he can decide whether I can wear those contacts back or not.

Baby Blues

When you think that you'll be a mother, you'll either feel excited or nervous. As of me, the first weeks of my postpartum has not been the greatest time. Despite the excitement of having a newborn, worries on my own capability of becoming a parent strike me. I have thousands of mixed feelings which I wish could have been avoided. If only I had enough preparation of being a mother and if only things were easy for me.

I felt so exhausted after delivery. The trauma of giving birth was so great during the first two days that every time I closed my eyes, I could see myself in the labour room and seeing myself in pain. Luckily the nightmare soon faded away. Then there were the discomforts with the stitches which left me having difficulties in walking and moving around. At the same time, the baby was there, needed my attention. When nobody was around I should pick him up myself, adjusting my position for a good latch so then to nurse him. But I had to do that so damn slowly, as I had to bear with the numbness around the down there. By the time I had settled the position, the baby already cried so loud that he made me so panic. The baby cried, and he was hungry and angry. So there was no proper latch on, ended up with him biting the nipple. He's so strong, he'd push my breast and pull the nipple. Sakit. This situation happen again and again, that I ended up feeling down. When the baby's demand was high, I had to bear with the exhaustion of nursing 4 hours marathon. Both nipples had cracked and I had to cry during the feeding because it hurted so much. My feet became numb, backache stroke and there were only few minutes to sleep because the baby would wake up every half an hour to nurse. Suddenly I experienced irritability, sadness, restlessness. If there's a chance, I'd cry, and I did cry a lot. I feel so terrible- am I a good mother?

As for today, the baby is three weeks old and the baby blues has faded away. Alhamdulillah. However my worries are still there since I'm still a learning first time mom. But I need to be strong, stronger than my little one. I have to istighfar and remind myself a lot that Allah blesses me a child to take care of.

It's time for my Silver Jubilee

MCPD: 5 weeks 6 days

So I turn 25 today. There's no other better gift on birthdays but to know that I'm still with the LO with me. May God protect us..